FAQs

What’s your first memory?
My first memory was the day JFK was shot in Dallas. I remember sitting playing on the floor with my building bricks wondering which one to eat next and then my Gran shouting out “they’ve shot him, they’ve shot him”..”Oh dear Oh”..”they’ve shot him”.

What were you like as a child?
I think I was a little self-willed. My Mum used to tell me how it took two people to hold me down while I got my nappy changed. I was always a bit of a daydreamer too. I always would get told off by teachers for looking out the window, while being taught such important things such as logarithms and Latin…subjects that have be truly invaluable to me in my adulthood…yeah right!

What childhood games did you play?
Football, football and more football with a dash of various forms of tig…or tag as some would say…up high tig, low tig, tunnel tig, string tig. There was also a game called L E O…that involved trying to release your teammates from a den and trying not to be knocked unconscious by three severe blows to the head in the process…once you reached the den and was still compos mentis one would shout “LEO” then all your teammates would run off and leave you to get beaten up for all your trouble. Japs and Gerries which was wee boys pretending to be Japanese soldiers shooting German soldiers. Also a wonderful acting game called dead mans fall where we would get shot and whoever did the most dramatic death was given the privilege of being the next gunman. If you want your children to grow up never to touch a cigarette well play the game called “ashie” whereby you would smoke a fag with your mates and then whoever dropped the ash usually from feeling sick and dizzy, would get the snot kicked out of them by his mates…you never want to see another fag in your life after that game.

First record I bought
I think the first one was either Jean Genie by David Bowie or Chirpy chirpy cheep cheep by middle of the road…classic.

Family Pet.
Was a dog that was a cross between a dalmatian, collie and a poodle. It was the closest thing you could get to a punk dog. It hated me too and attacked me one day as I was teasing it and tore my eyelid in two. My parents were so horrified by this that they got rid of me and kept the dog.

School days
I guess they were pretty good. Lots of mischief and angst, in equal measure.

Was I ever bullied
No…they knew better. I was one of those kids who would prefer to have a laugh than fight but I would reach a point if I were pushed, well you would have to stand well away from me.

Favourite TV programmes
The monkees, the banana splits, ripcord, the magic boomerang, thunderbirds, fireball EL5 and the singing ringing tree which had a little dwarf guy that scared the crap out of me.

What did I want to do when I grew up?
A popstar…told you I was a day dreamer.

Weekends?
My weekends were spent playing football and going fishing mostly. If I was particularly naughty I would blow a raspberry into the overflow pipe while my mum was on the toilet…it had the same effect as you get blowing down an alpine horn…oh, with a little scream at the end.

My first kiss?
Well…my first kiss was in a barley field near home with a girl from school and I remember too my first French kiss which was at a school disco….hadn’t the foggiest idea why she was sticking her tongue down my throat…did a dry boak afterward.

My first love.
Was my wee old Mam…despite her right bong eye, left cats eye and scarecrow hairstyle…I kid you not.

The most important thing in the world to me?
I guess was my bike, which was a little red Raleigh one. It gave me a real sense of freedom in that I could go as far away as possible though not too far away so I would miss my dinner.

What would I wear then that I wouldn’t wear now?
Well…I had what I referred to as my Battenberg jacket which was a little marzipan, coloured box jacket that had small pink and purple squares and a diagonal zip. My trousers were BLUE…I mean as loud as you can say the word..and they were made from a material that Eddie the eagles trousers were made of, they didn’t crease, just spring back into shape as if they were made of foam and the whole ensemble was finished off with a pair of black suede brothel creepers…ah the 70’s the decade that taste forgot.

How have I changed from my teenage self.
Loads…thankfully

Where did I go on holiday
Largs or Ardrossan to play on the beach. We rarely stayed in a hotel or travelled far away from home.

Would the young me be pleased with the adult?
He’d better be or else I’ll kick his arse after all that he put me through.

If I could go back in time what would I tell my 15 year old self?
Believe in yourself